Last week in the post Little Fools in Aldi, we started to look at how disciplining our children is more than just a practical way to go about our day without losing our sanity; it really is a life and death issue!

Sometimes when I hear people discussing discipline, it seems like there is a general assumption in our culture that good, loving parents (or teachers, for that matter) don’t discipline their children. Loving discipline has somehow been equated with abuse. I once saw a celebrity mom on a talk show asking for help on how to get her three year old daughter to stop drinking bottles! They were giving her very practical advice, and also talking about the damage her extreme coddling was having in her daughter. Even though she had asked for help, she really dug in her heels and resisted! Why? The bottles made her daughter “happy” – why would she take them away?

Most people may not have a three year old drinking out of bottles, but there are plenty of foolish parents out their allowing their children to self-destruct out of apparent “love” for their child and not wanting to make their child “unhappy.” What does the book of Proverbs have to say about that?

He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 13:24

Hates! That is a strong word! Why would lack of discipline be equated with hate? Check out Proverbs 19:18:

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope;
do not be a willing party to his death.

Remember, discipline is a life and death issue! Failure to discipline is equated with hate, because the overly permissive parent is being a willing party to their child’s self destruction and spiritual rebellion! Proverbs 23:13-14 touches on this point, as well -

Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death.

Perhaps we should pause here and distinguish between discipline and punishment.

If my child does something wrong, punishment means they have to pay for their wrongdoing. They have broken a rule, and the goal of punishment is to make them pay for their action in some way. Webster defines punishment as suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution; a penalty inflicted on an offender through judicial procedure. Punishment without discipline can turn ugly, because the parent has nothing in mind other than causing the child to experience suffering or loss in retribution for their actions – the ultimate welfare of the child is not the parent’s goal.

Discipline, however, has an entirely different focus. Disciplining my children is not simply causing them to suffer for their bad choices – discipline is really discipleship! Look at Webster’s definition for discipline: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character. Do you see the difference? If I discipline my children rather than simply punish them, my goal is not to make them pay, but rather to form their character.

Punishment and discipline might look very similar – when my children choose to do certain behaviors, certain things are their punishment – it is what they have earned. However, a parent who seeks to discipline will have a different goal for the punishment – the goal is not for the child’s suffering but rather, for the child’s ultimate good – for the forming of their character.

What type of character formation are we looking for?

As I look through Proverbs, I see some important themes that are central to wisdom, and also central to disciplining our children! If we are parents seeking to disciple our children and teach them the way of wisdom in the fear of the Lord, it seems to me that these are main areas of focus for our discipline. In upcoming weeks, I would like to give time to address each of these topics in a specific post, and give practical discipline strategies for training our children in wisdom. Being limited in experience and perspective, I would love, LOVE for you to email me with practical teaching/ discipling/ disciplining ideas you have for any or all of the following.

• Controlling the tongue (using wise speech, remaining silent, refraining from slander and gossip, etc.)
• Controlling anger, not stirring up division and quarrelling
• Diligent work
• Honesty – transparency, no duplicity or intent to deceive
• Helping the poor, showing kindness and mercy
• Humility – not being wise in our own eyes, not seeking to publicly praise ourselves
• Choosing good companions
• Maintaining sexual integrity
• Seeking to acquire knowledge
• Receiving counsel and correction from those who are wise

So, please chew on that for a while and share your wisdom with me – I will gladly share it with others!