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FYFS: Dealing with Dysfunction in the Sacred Family

January 8th, 2010 by Kristi Stephens

At the church I attended during college, each time new members were added to the congregation we concluded the service by singing “I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God…”

Having grown up in various churches of various sizes, I have always been very aware of the incredible bond of a close church family. I often look around and see people of all different backgrounds, interests, education levels… all working together for a common purpose, brought into a closer-than-blood relationship by the blood of Christ. Belonging to a church family is a treasure and gift from the Lord.

And like all families… dysfunction abounds.

It seems to me that there are few things that can rock a new believer’s faith like sin in the church. I’m not talking about “big” stuff like pastors embezzling or having affairs with the church secretary – although unfortunately those things happen and certainly leave behind them a huge wake of damage. I’m talking about “little” things – sin that divides, wounds, reveals selfish ambition instead of selflessness.

None of us are immune to sin. No matter if you went to seminary or not, whether you lead a Sunday school class or not, whether you sing in the choir or not.

And you want to know a little secret? Those who lead ministries have a whole new level of struggle. Because suddenly this ministry that you have poured countless hours into, that you have labored in, feels like it’s “yours.” We start feeling territorial. We start fighting for what is ours and doing what seems best to us and get possessive of the resources under our supervision.

It can get petty, and downright ugly.

So, what do we do? Leave the church, divorce the “family”? Give our family the silent treatment by pulling out of ministries and contenting ourselves with sitting in the back row? Passive-aggressively stop tithing and hint to our pastor that he better see that we are accommodated if he wants our financial support? Blame the Father for the dysfunction in the family?

Obviously, there are some issues that need to be addressed with leadership in an appropriate way. And we need to pray like crazy.

But first… we have to recognize that some of that ugly sin in the church begins with us.

You most definitely will want to read today’s Fresh Year, Fresh Start post from Lori. She speaks from experience, and I know I related to it. Check it out here.

And, please don’t forget to link up your post for how you are making a fresh start in your spiritual walk!