I thought I would pause our look at the book of Judges and give you an update about the writing progress – the countdown is on: I leave for the She Speaks conference in less than two weeks!

After my grandfather’s funeral last weekend, the kids and I spent the week at my parents’ house.  It was nice to have time with them as well as to have some built-in childcare so I could escape and write during the day! :)  I’m feeling much more prepared for the conference as I hammered out my book proposal, two chapters, and am part of the way through a third.  It’s coming together!

But to be honest, throughout these past few weeks as I have prepared I have wrestled with doubt and insecurity. While I feel passionate about this book topic, feel that God has clearly laid it on my heart to write it, and know that it is a book that could be used greatly by Him… I sometimes have struggled, wondering if anything will ever come of it.  As I have read up more on the publishing process the difficulty of it all has weighed on me.  What if we spend the money for me to go to She Speaks, I work and work and work to get this together… and nothing ever happens with it?

As I read through Exodus with the Bible in 90 Days challenge, I was struck by a familiar conversation between Moses and God.  I have read this passage many times.  I have taught on it.  I have written about it.  But this time, I found myself identifying more with  Moses than I ever have before.

Moses said to the LORD, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

The LORD said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

But Moses said, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”

Exodus 4:10-13

There are a lot of reasons I can list why I don’t feel like the optimal person to write this book.  But the fact of the matter is, God knows all those things.  And it seems that He has clearly given me this task and said, “Now go – I will help you and will teach you what to say!”  And meanwhile deep down I have been thinking… “O Lord, please send someone else to do it!”

Has God given you a task that feels too big for your abilities?  He probably has.  Times like these force us to rely on His abilities, not ours.  Blogging and teaching are somewhat in my comfort zone – it is much easier for me to rely on my own abilities because I feel capable of these things.  I do not feel capable of writing a book and getting it published.  And the truth is – however God chooses to use this project He will receive all the glory because I know full well how incapable I am to do this on my own!

One wobbly step at a time, wondering what will happen, wondering if God’s timeline for this project greatly differs from my own, wondering… but seeking to remember that His power is made perfect in my weakness.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Thank you to those of you who have prayed for  me.  Please continue to pray that I will continue to hear His leading for this project and take it in the direction He wants me to go.  May God’s name be praised, may all the honor be His alone.