March 8th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

It was the summer of 2000. I was almost 20 years old, counseling at a Christian summer camp I had never heard of in a part of the country I had never been in. I was only there because of God. I was immature, inexperienced, trying to figure out who I was and what I was designed to do – but I loved the Lord and sincerely wanted to serve Him. I had grown up reading about and admiring heroes of the faith and wanted a life that mattered. I knew that God had gifted me to teach and to write, but I didn’t know how exactly He would use me.

I wanted a big life for Him.

I sat at the table having my first real conversation with the man who would become my husband two short years later. Hours flew by as we talked about our faith, our families, the passions of our hearts. I vividly remember looking into his eyes and telling him,

“I want an extraordinary life.”

Years later, my life does not look terribly extraordinary. I have three small children, ages five, three, and three months. I drive a minivan. I change diapers. I wipe noses. I pack lunches. I plan meals and pinch pennies. I scrub crayon off the walls and vacuum cheerios out of the vents. I sing This is the Day and the alphabet song and make up original ditties about NASCAR.

I lead a small life.

I had graduated from college with a major in Bible, dreaming of seminary and full-time ministry and something that seemed “big.” Instead, God has chosen to use those gifts of teaching and writing in small ways. Quiet ways. I sit in a quiet house full of sleeping little ones and tap-tap-tap on a laptop keyboard, stringing together words and thoughts. I teach a small group of women at our church, digging with them into the depths of God’s Word. God has opened doors for me to speak at a handful of retreats. I feel honored that God has given me this small, blessed life full of sanctifying sacrifice and anonymity and also allowed me to lead others into His Word. I myself am small, but-

I serve a big God.

At times it may seem that God’s dreams for my life were smaller than my dreams. Nothing could be further from the truth. I never dreamed that I would be a full time mother to three beautiful children and also write posts that would be read by people across the country, sometimes across the world. I never dreamed of how God would use this site, how He would use  Scripture Dig, how He would do big things through my smallness. I never dreamed that God would give me a broken heart for human trafficking, and that He would then use this platform to open the eyes of others and challenge them to act on behalf of the poor and oppressed.

I am still dreaming of what else God might do.

As God has opened doors for more speaking opportunities, I am vividly aware of how inadequate I am. As God has put a dream in my heart of writing books and creating resources for His people, I know that I have much to learn. In many ways, being aware of my complete inadequacy is a gift – it makes me depend on Him, abide in Him, remember that apart from Him I can do nothing. But I also want to follow the call He has placed on my life and hone the skills and gifts that came from Him alone.

I want to serve Him well.

Last year I attended the Proverbs 31 Ministries She Speaks conference. He provided funds in ways I absolutely did not expect and paved the way for me to be challenged and fed – and for my eyes to be opened to skills that I needed to learn and hone in order to more effectively follow the call of speaking and writing and teaching He has placed on my life.

This year I would love to attend again. I am pushing on this door to see if He will open it – I so long to do what He has called me to do, and to do it well. Perhaps He will provide the way this year through a scholarship, perhaps He will again provide in other ways. The particulars may have changed over the years, but my heart’s desire is still the same -

I want Him to take my small life and do amazing, God-sized things though it.