Quieter of My Soul

This post is part of a month-long series reflecting on truths of Who God is through the alphabet and what those truths mean to us in the midst of our foster care journey. You can find the whole series here
"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high;I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother;like a weaned child is my soul within me.O Israel, hope in the Lordfrom this time forth and forevermore.”Psalm 131:1-3
I love the imagery in this psalm. A child at rest, simply seeking the comfort of his mother’s presence- not what she can give or provide, just her presence.

Today we had the true delight of attending an adoption hearing for our dear friends. It was beautiful. Not the court hearing itself- it actually felt anticlimactic after the long journey they’ve been on, the tireless fighting for their son. But the declaration of his status as their full son, the banging of that gavel, the permanency of family- that is a breath-catching, heart-stirring beauty like none other.

At the end of the hearing someone asked us if it was the first adoption hearing we had attended. I said it was. And then my insightful 10 year old said the words that I wouldn’t speak aloud- “I wish we had already been to five.” All of us grieve the goodbyes we have said. All of us long for our forever. And no wonder- God never intended temporary families, for abuse and neglect and addiction that would cause children to be removed from the parents who birthed them, for government systems that would cause more hurt and loss.

In this middle of the broken, how can our hearts find quiet rest? In the arms of our Father, the one who comforts us with His presence. His ways are beyond what I can understand. His plans are big, His thoughts are higher than mine.

It is when I humbly crawl back into His lap and seek Him- not what I want Him to give me- that my soul can find quiet rest.

He is the quieter of my soul.

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