After nearly twenty years of talking and dreaming of adoption with my husband, after a five year fostering journey full of plot twists and joy and grief, after a year of riding a crazy ride of a case including such clear leading from the Lord and reassurance that she is our daughter and unexpected complications and even hiring a private attorney to fight for her and nothing (NOTHING) seeming to go as planned...
The gavel dropped. And it was done.
People keep asking me how I feel.
How do I feel? I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for five years holding on for dear life as this roller coaster ride threatened to tear me apart. I feel like if I really sit down and think about it all I might cry for three days out of relief and joy. But right now I’m still holding my breath out of habit.
I told my big kids tonight how I was feeling- and oddly enough they get it even more than any adult I’ve talked to. They’ve walked it. “It’s like you forgot how to exhale!” Yep. Yep. That’s exactly it.
So tonight I’m exhaling praise. Eventually more of this story will spill out of me in one form or another. But I need to exhale some praise to our God. HE HAS BEEN SO FAITHFUL. He kept His word. He was ever present. Ever faithful. He has redeemed our daughter’s life and moved mountains. I can’t even wrap my mind around or fully see yet all He has done- but oh it is glorious.
Help me breathe out, Jesus. I want to shout your praise with every breath.