May 10th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens
I’m also posting over at Scripture Dig today, looking at two of my favorite Biblical moms: Lois and Eunice. Hope you join us there!
Wives can be scary.
We see our men at their lowest points. We see them weep in grief when many may never have seen them shed a tear. We know what makes them angry, we know what breaks their hearts. We know the insecurities they have dealt with since they were little boys. We know the sin they battle on a daily basis, what can make them cringe in shame.
Marriage uncovers us not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, as well. It is very hard, nay, impossible, to protect ourselves behind walls and build intimacy at the same time.
How easy it is for us to kick our men when they are down.
If there was ever a prime example of a wife attacking her husband when he was already in deep emotional, physical, and spiritual pain, it’s the wife of Job.
So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes. Then his wife said to him…
Job. The man had, in the blink of an eye, lost every one of his children, his wealth, and even his standing in the community. He was a righteous man, but even his closest friends assumed he was living in sin because of the affliction that had come upon him. He literally sat in the ashes and scraped his open sores with a piece of broken pottery, seeking even the slightest bit of relief.
He was the definition of a broken man.
So, here comes Mrs. Job.. Perhaps he saw her coming and longed for a word of comfort, for companionship from his wife in this time of deep loss and suffering and confusion. I wonder if he hoped she would build him up and affirm that she knew he had done nothing wrong. She nears him and opens her mouth and speaks the anticipated words of blessing…
“…Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.”
Wait… what?? Like balm to a wounded soul, isn’t it?
Using wise words in marriage can be hard. No doubt, Job’s wife was in shock over losing her children, trying to figure out what was going on, and she may have assumed (as his friends did) that it was all Job’s fault. When our men are hurting, we are hurting, too. When they are grieving, we are usually grieving at the same time. When they are mourning over their sin, we are often struggling with anger and a sometimes even a sense of betrayal.
Our words have great power when our men face these times of vulnerability. Will we speak truth, encouragement, love, affirmation, reassurance of our commitment to them – or will we kick them when they are already down? My husband is also my brother in Christ – am I seeking his ultimate good, or am I going to use the sharp dagger of my words to wound him in revenge for how I may have been hurt?
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:11-12, ESV
Lord, please open our eyes to see our men as you see them. They are far from perfect, yes, and so are we. Reveal to us the sin and self-righteousness lurking in our hearts that bubbles out of our mouths when we are hurt and vulnerable. Show us where we have wounded them, give us courage to confess and seek forgiveness from them, heal our marriages from the damage we have inflicted with our tongues.
This post is linked up to Women Living Well Wednesdays! Want to follow this series and make sure you don’t miss a post? You can follow along easily by subscribing to this blog by email or in an RSS reader! All the posts in this series will be indexed here for future reference, as well.