May 1st, 2013 by Kristi Stephens

The day had not started well.

Daddy was away for work, Mom wasn’t feeling terribly well, the schedule was full, the kids were tired. It had all the makings of an epic and disastrous day.

Five-year-old LB and I had had several “rounds” before breakfast. And at breakfast. And then I heard the quiet aside to his sister, “Mom is always bossing us around.”

Oh, dear. Ever have one of those parenting moments when you thought that steam might literally be pouring out of your ears? Yep.

I sent him upstairs, mostly so I could collect my thoughts. And pray.

Because honestly, I am not, deep down, the patient and wise mother I want to be. My words tumble out hot and irritated far too often. And so I claim absolutely no responsibility for what the Lord brought to mind: this was the perfect opportunity to live the Gospel.

I went in to talk with him. With the words only the Holy Spirit can whisper into an angry mother’s heart!

“You said that you didn’t want me bossing you around.
Can you think of anyone in the Bible who didn’t want God bossing them around?”

He mumbled their names almost inaudibly as I walked Him through the Bible.

Adam and Eve.
Cain.
The people in Noah’s day.
The people building the tower of Babel.

“Who, before any of them, really didn’t want God to be the boss?”

The whisper sank lower. “Satan.”

“Who have you been acting like, when you choose to defy Mom and refuse to follow her?”

“All those guys.”

“Yes, buddy. What happens when we sin against God and rebel against Him? It breaks our relationship. What happened because Adam and Eve refused to trust and obey God?”

“They had to leave the garden.”

“That’s right. Their relationship with God was broken. They couldn’t walk with Him anymore. They wanted to be their own boss, and it broke everything.”

And so… LB stayed in the guest room for a while that morning. I told him he could be his own boss in that room – do whatever he wanted. But he could not come out and join the family until he was willing to repair our relationship and submit to my leadership.

Eventually we talked further. He had to confess verbally to me what he had done and ask for forgiveness.
We talked about 1 John 1:9 and what it means to confess our sin to God. We talked about what it means to have Jesus as our King and to choose to obey Him, to submit ourselves to His rightful rule in our lives. We prayed together and hugged and started fresh.

I would love to say the rest of the day unfolded beautifully. It didn’t, including an incident with water all over the bathroom ceiling and walls. *ahem.* But even then, it gave us a chance to walk through the Gospel once again – you have chosen to disobey, to go your own way. The relationship is damaged. Forgiveness is available, when we come with true sorrow over our sin.

I write this simply as an encouragement to my fellow moms in the trenches -

Motherhood is hard and completely draining. I find it far easier to nag, lecture, and lose my temper than I do to intentionally disciple my kids.

But when we soak our own minds in the hearts in the Gospel, when we come empty and ask for Him to enable us, to cause us to use the daily opportunities that the daunting task of constant discipline provides us… He will give us wisdom to teach little hearts to love Him as Savior and fear Him as Lord.

Father, teach us to cling to the Gospel. Even in time-out.

August 10th, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

I vividly remember my childish question. I’m sure my mother gave me a reasonable answer but I don’t remember what the answer was. The question lingered.

“Why do I have to make my bed every day when I’m just going to get back in it tonight?”

I mean, really. My brother in law had his own solution to this dilemma – since he was ‘hounded’ into making his bed every day, he simply laid his sleeping bag on top of the bed and slept in it for a couple of years. I surely hope it was washed at some point.

As a homemaker, I find this question magnified.

One day I wrote Ecclesiastes 1:1-9 in the “homemaker paraphrase” and posted it on the facebook blog page. By the responses I got it was obvious I was not alone! =)

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
Says the woman.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”
What does the woman gain from all her labor
At which she toils in the house?
Laundry gathered and laundry folded,
Yet the laundry pile remains forever.
The table is cleared and the table is set,
And the dishes are never put away.
The dust is cleaned from baseboards
And grime wiped from the ceiling fan,
It falls to the carpet and blows up in the vacuum,
Ever returning on its course.
The toys are put away,
Yet they somehow appear again.
From the floor where they were just removed,
There they return again.
What has been will be again,
What has been done will be done again;
There is nothing new under the sun.

It’s tempting to make the whole family sleep in sleeping bags and eat poptarts and mac n’ cheese for every meal. So why not? Is there any glory in this ordinary and mundane routine? If you are a fellow weary mom battling chaos in your home, here are a few ways to see His glory in your ordinary.

• As I work in my home, bringing order from disorder and creating an environment in which my family can thrive, I reflect part of God’s character as Creator. I was created as an image bearer, and entrusted with work to do. (Genesis 1:27-18)

• When I am doing other things – writing, leading, teaching – I can start to believe I am more important than I am. As I lead my children on my knees (not just in prayer, but also in scrubbing toilets!), it humbles me and puts me in my place! God does a lot of sanctifying in my heart in those irritating and repetitive tasks! (Matthew 23:11-12)

•  Work was part of our created purpose – but frustrating, futile work was part of the curse.  (Genesis 3:16-19) The fact that our “domains” rebel against us is like a mirror exposing the state of our own souls. As I wonder to myself if my laundry pile breeds when I’m not looking, it’s a reminder that my own heart is quick to wander away from Him, harboring “little things” that can grow unchecked rebellion. You can read more about the curse as “hidden grace” here.

• We all know that a home is more than where a family lives. Our home is my family’s habitat – the physical environment that nurtures and sustains their growth and development. It is the laboratory where my children learn about life, the gym where they develop physical, emotional, and spiritual ‘muscles.’ It is the launching point for our ministry as a family. The more chaos I allow into our environment, the more it affects our willingness and ability to show hospitality, be flexible with our availability, and even the way we speak and interact with one another. It’s interesting and challenging to me that the descriptions of the infamous Proverbs 31 woman revolve around her home – and it leaves a legacy that impacts her husband, children, the poor and needy, and surely many more who experience the “habitat” of home she created.

At first glance, the fact that I scrubbed a ring out of my bathtub yesterday doesn’t seem to have much lasting significance. But there is glory in the ordinary. I am reflecting the character of my God as an image-bearer. My character is being formed as I learn to submit myself to hard and humbling work. That never ending housework is revealing to me the state of my own soul. And as I scrub on hands and knees and fold laundry and do dishes and prepare meals and change sheets and decorate walls, I am creating an environment where I, my family, and those who are introduced to our “habitat” can thrive.

It feels ordinary, and small, and insignificant. But be faithful in the little things – and do everything for the glory of the One who made you. {If reading via email, click over and listen to this great reminder from Steven Curtis Chapman!}

July 17th, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

I am weary.

The reasons why seem small and insignificant. A spider in my mailbox. A back ache. Toddler tantrums. Preschooler tantrums. Coffee stains on carpet and my clothes resulting from aforementioned preschooler tantrums.

That list is small and seems trite, but today it feels heavy. My heart is aching like my back, and the weariness sinks down into my bones. The stains of this broken world are embedded on my heart – I am a broken woman, too, forgiven but flawed. Like those coffee stains on the floor, the evidence of my sinfulness seems to seep stubbornly to the surface on the weary days. My anger flares. My tongue is quick.

Mommy tantrums are the ugliest of all.

Some days I feel too broken, too small, too ill-equipped to live the life God has given me. How can I be the wife, the mother, the teacher, the leader God has called me to be when I am simply… me? God formed our limited humanity from the very dust of the ground- and some days feel “dustier” than others.

I think Satan loves to whisper it to us on the dark days – have you heard him? “You are unable. You are a failure, a disgrace. You are broken. Unusable.”

Twisted lies.

I think of Elijah, worn and weary even after seeing God’s mighty hand on Mount Carmel. God had powerfully shown up and defeated the prophets of Baal. This should have been Elijah’s moment of triumph! But wicked Queen Jezebel’s threats shook him to his core and sent him running for his life.

In 1 Kings 19 we find him alone, sitting under a bush and crying out in brokenness, “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”

I think Elijah was fearful and weary, and he had heard the enemy’s lies deep down in his heart, “You are unable. You are a failure, a disgrace. You are broken. Unusable.” I think Elijah felt at that moment the smallness of his life in comparison to the great work God had called him to. I think Satan wanted to vividly remind him of the secret failures of his life to cripple him from boldly celebrating the victorious work of God through him.

Elijah was a great man, but he was a limited man. Flawed, dusty, and small.

The tenderness of God toward his weary prophet touches my very soul. God does not lecture him, or tell him to stop sulking. He watches over Elijah as he sleeps, exhausted, beneath the bush. He sends an angel to wake Elijah and nourish him with fresh-baked bread and water from a jar. Elijah sleeps again, and a second time the angel returns and wakes him with the words, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”

The next event in 1 Kings 19 is breath-taking. God once again meets his prophet and asks him tenderly, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

God was not in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or in the fire. God spoke to his weary and broken prophet in a gentle whisper.

Lord, I hear you whispering, “what are you doing here, Kristi?”

I am weary. The journey feels like it is too much for me, I feel alone, and I am tempted to give up.

The enemy loves to whisper, “You are unable. You are a failure, a disgrace. You are broken. Unusable.” Remind me that he is telling me only half of the truth.

• I am unable and limited and… dusty – but through you I can do all things.
• I am a failure – but through you I have become an overcomer.
• I am broken and I have failed many times – but you have washed me white as snow.

Thank you for knowing my frailty, for remembering with compassion that I am dust. Please nourish my heart with the Bread of Life, revive me with Living Water. I am coming to you weary and burdened, and I need true rest for my soul. Thank you for your grace in  the dusty days. Your grace for today.

May 19th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

I would love to say that my days are consumed with imparting rich wisdom to my children, quoting Scripture, discussing great doctrinal truths with my 5 year old. Lest you be fooled by the content of this blog, if I charted out the content of my words throughout the day it would probably look something like this.

I’d say I was completely unrealistic with “profound teachable moments”- it should probably be a MUCH smaller slice!

Moms, have you ever thought of yourself as a wise woman? An imparter of wisdom? A mentor? A discipler? In the midst of finding missing shoes or practicing spelling lists or negotiating with a picky eater – does your role of imparting wisdom to your children seem far from what you dreamed of when you held that first precious newborn in your arms?

The book of Proverbs has so much to say to us regarding our role as wisdom-givers:

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:8-9

The whole book of Proverbs is written as an address from a father to a son – a vast array of advice that the young and foolish are begged to heed. What if we started really weighing the words we speak to our kids, considering each day a new chance to impart wisdom and teaching?

I’m not just talking spiritual wisdom, here. A lot of wisdom is practical, make-your-life-better teaching. You’re probably already doing it and you don’t even know.

• “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too?”
• “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
• “Try it again, and this time ask me the right way.”

We are constantly teaching our kids. Teaching them to brush their teeth and pick out clothes that match. Teaching them life skills like organization and time management. Teaching them to maneuver social situations, answer the phone politely, conduct and dress themselves modestly.

Why?

As we discussed yesterday, the goal of our parenting is not to raise “successful” kids who are happy. The goal of Godly parenting is to disciple our children, to teach them to know and obey the Lord Jesus Christ and to train them to live a holy life. What if we thought about everything we impart to them through that lens?

• I want my children to be good and generous stewards of their time, money, talents, resources – knowing that all things have been entrusted to them by God, and that from those who have been given much, much will be required.
• I want my children to relate respectfully and politely to those around them, learning to submit their will to others, even when it’s hard – they are servants of the Lord and are called to walk in a manner worthy of this calling, making truth attractive by living it out with grace.
• I want my children to apply themselves academically not for degrees on the wall, letters behind their name, or zeros in their paycheck – but because they have been given an eternal mission to know, study, articulate, defend, explain, illustrate, translate the Truth of God to a culture blinded to His message.

A lofty ideal? Perhaps. But maybe, just maybe, we would speak different words if we kept the eternal goal in mind. We’re raising the next generation of Christ-followers – how do we disciple them, teach them, equip them, prepare them to impact this world… even as we teach them to brush their teeth, discuss for the millionth time when we will have a snack, or remind them to finish their homework?

Your words matter, mom. You can impart wisdom to your children all day long, even when it doesn’t seem terribly profound. In all areas of life, we must equip our kids to know and serve Jesus Christ!

Lord, put your Word in our hearts and pour Truth from our lips!

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