I would love to say that my days are consumed with imparting rich wisdom to my children, quoting Scripture, discussing great doctrinal truths with my 5 year old. Lest you be fooled by the content of this blog, if I charted out the content of my words throughout the day it would probably look something like this.

I’d say I was completely unrealistic with “profound teachable moments”- it should probably be a MUCH smaller slice!

Moms, have you ever thought of yourself as a wise woman? An imparter of wisdom? A mentor? A discipler? In the midst of finding missing shoes or practicing spelling lists or negotiating with a picky eater – does your role of imparting wisdom to your children seem far from what you dreamed of when you held that first precious newborn in your arms?

The book of Proverbs has so much to say to us regarding our role as wisdom-givers:

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:8-9

The whole book of Proverbs is written as an address from a father to a son – a vast array of advice that the young and foolish are begged to heed. What if we started really weighing the words we speak to our kids, considering each day a new chance to impart wisdom and teaching?

I’m not just talking spiritual wisdom, here. A lot of wisdom is practical, make-your-life-better teaching. You’re probably already doing it and you don’t even know.

• “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too?”
• “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
• “Try it again, and this time ask me the right way.”

We are constantly teaching our kids. Teaching them to brush their teeth and pick out clothes that match. Teaching them life skills like organization and time management. Teaching them to maneuver social situations, answer the phone politely, conduct and dress themselves modestly.

Why?

As we discussed yesterday, the goal of our parenting is not to raise “successful” kids who are happy. The goal of Godly parenting is to disciple our children, to teach them to know and obey the Lord Jesus Christ and to train them to live a holy life. What if we thought about everything we impart to them through that lens?

• I want my children to be good and generous stewards of their time, money, talents, resources – knowing that all things have been entrusted to them by God, and that from those who have been given much, much will be required.
• I want my children to relate respectfully and politely to those around them, learning to submit their will to others, even when it’s hard – they are servants of the Lord and are called to walk in a manner worthy of this calling, making truth attractive by living it out with grace.
• I want my children to apply themselves academically not for degrees on the wall, letters behind their name, or zeros in their paycheck – but because they have been given an eternal mission to know, study, articulate, defend, explain, illustrate, translate the Truth of God to a culture blinded to His message.

A lofty ideal? Perhaps. But maybe, just maybe, we would speak different words if we kept the eternal goal in mind. We’re raising the next generation of Christ-followers – how do we disciple them, teach them, equip them, prepare them to impact this world… even as we teach them to brush their teeth, discuss for the millionth time when we will have a snack, or remind them to finish their homework?

Your words matter, mom. You can impart wisdom to your children all day long, even when it doesn’t seem terribly profound. In all areas of life, we must equip our kids to know and serve Jesus Christ!

Lord, put your Word in our hearts and pour Truth from our lips!

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It starts the first time we hold our little baby in our arms. Our chests swell with pride, and we instantly believe that this child is the most beautiful, most gifted, most advanced, most spectacular child that has ever been born. We obsess over milestones, we swap comparisons with other parents and hope that our little beauties will obviously outshine all of their competition. Er, peers.

They say love is blind, and a parent’s love… watch out.

It’s not our little bundle’s fault that her parent’s pride and sometimes insecurities are rearing their ugly heads. Our obsessive need to be the center of attention, to be recognized and praised, blossoms as we hold this little person and we beckon everyone to take notice what a future celebrity we have brought into the world. Or perhaps it is our nagging insecurities that are bursting forth. We’ve never felt beautiful, or good enough, or appreciated – but this child, this child will be brilliant and talented and popular and have all the things we always wanted but never quite attained.

And so, we paint our children as these perfect beings in our minds. Deep down, we know their flaws, we see them on their bad days. But we certainly don’t want anyone else to see that. It might mar our family image.

When I taught high school I was always astounded by parents who would absolutely refuse to allow their children to face the consequences for their actions and who would defend the most shocking behavior with vigor. I sat in parent conferences with serious concerns about my student’s academic struggles, only to find that his parent outright denied that he found anything difficult whatsoever. Flip on the American Idol tryouts, and you know without a doubt: these people have never been told the truth; their parents have flattered them into delusions of grandeur.

I’m all for positive speaking (we’ll discuss that tomorrow!), but there is a difference between life-giving affirmations and death-dealing flattery.

A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Proverbs 26:28

Hates! Isn’t that a strong word? Proverbs 13:24 uses the same language directly aimed at us parents:

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 13:24

We all love our children deeply, fiercely. But the goal of our parenting is not to make them deliriously happy, to shield them from any pain or disappointment, to keep them from facing consequences. The goal of loving Christian parenting is this: to disciple our children, to teach them to know and obey the Lord Jesus Christ and to train them to live a holy life; it is only there that they will find true eternal joy.

King David did a lot of things right – but he had some clear issues (just as we all do.) Bathsheba is always the first thing that comes to mind when we consider his failures, but this verse stood out to me in living color the other day. In this passage, King David is nearing his death. A power struggle plays out dramatically as his son Adonijah attempts to usurp Solomon’s role as the next king of Israel.

Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. (His father had never interfered with him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)

1 Kings 1:5-6

Because David had failed to discipline Adonijah, and because Adonijah’s feelings of entitlement drove him to the audacious move of declaring himself king, it destroyed him in the end. God had chosen Solomon for the throne – his role was preserved and Adonijah ended up being killed for his further power grabs attempted later in the account.

If we love our children, we must speak truth to them. We must lovingly discipline. We must allow them to face the consequences of their choices. We must be realistic about their sin and struggles, and aim not for their happiness but for their holiness.

If we lie to and flatter our children, if we refuse to instruct and correct them, we are setting them up for pain and destruction. Using our tongues wisely as we parent must include saying hard things wrapped up in genuine love.

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Image by …-Wink-… via Flickr

Yesterday we talked about instilling the importance of diligent work in our kids. I said that in our next post we would discuss how much they learn from their mothers modeling this trait, and to give backbone to this discussion we’re going to flip over to Proverbs 31.

Wait, wait! I see your eyes glazing over… stay with me!

Proverbs 31 is probably the most quoted, most referenced, most discussed passage on being a godly wife. I must confess, though, that every time I study this chapter I come away feeling defeated and discouraged – this woman who apparently never sleeps, is completely organized and can spin and sew and cook and organize and run a home-business while managing her home in a way unmatched by the rest of the feminine world (oh, and she helps the poor and plants vineyards in her spare time) is completely and totally intimidating to me.

A few months ago in our class at church, we had split men and women and the guy who was teaching that day gave us a list of verses to look up. He was wanting to encourage us, apparently, by having us read Proverbs 31. We were supposed to read it and feel good about all we do. Unlike what he intended, we read it and felt like big fat failures!

Because of this history of feeling like a loser every time I picked up this chapter, I found it refreshing and liberating to learn that this chapter is more than an impossible to-do list for a woman who wants to honor God and her husband. The fact that this amazing chapter is written in an acrostic form (each verse begins with the next letter of the Hebrew alphabet) is so important to understanding what we are being told here! I will quote from Dr. Seuss and Bible Trivia:

Another form of Hebrew poetry is the acrostic form, where each line of poetry begins with the next letter of the Hebrew alphabet. It carries the idea of totality, ie: “As we have exhausted the alphabet, so we have exhausted the subject.”

This section of Proverbs 31 is the last portion of the book of Proverbs, the premier book about living wisely. Written in an acrostic form, this poem is not just giving you a to-do list. This poem is describing a woman who is the quintessential wise woman. As you read through the preceding 30 chapters of Proverbs and glean all kinds of nuggets of wisdom, you might wonder what a wise woman would look like. How would she act? How would she manage her time? Well, you are invited to take a seat and watch her – this Proverbs 31 woman is wisdom lived out.

I take comfort in that. Why? I still want to learn to be a diligent, skilled, capable woman like this woman described for us in chapter 31. But, instead of focusing on the particulars of her habits and trying to be just like her, it shifts my focus back to fearing God and searching for wisdom like a hidden treasure.

Ladies, no matter how hard we try to copy this woman and be just like her, we will fail. And we will feel defeated and never want to look at it again. But the search for wisdom is a life-long quest. And the best part is, the Proverbs tell us that if we search for it, we will find it!

James 1:4-5 says, “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

Feeling defeated? Ask God for wisdom. Submit to His teaching. Search it out, find wise women to learn from, ponder on His Word, develop your skills.

Now, with that said, let’s take a look at our Proverbs 31 woman. I think of all the aspects of wisdom that we find in Proverbs, none is so vividly illustrated in this ultimate wise woman than the trait of diligence and hard work. Consider the following verses:

•She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands. 31:13

•She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls. 31:15

•She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks. 31:17

•She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night. 31:18

•When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 31:21

•She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come. 31:25

•She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness. 31:27

She is a busy lady. She works hard. She doesn’t waste her time. She is the definition of being “busy at home!”

So much of what I share on this blog is simply an expression of my own journey, my own learning, what God has challenged me about. I’m going to ramble for a bit – know that this is coming from my own process of learning wisdom. PLEASE don’t get the impression that I have this mastered. Yeah, right!

Over the past few years since I started my job as a full-time homemaker, God has really challenged me in the area of being busy at home and developing skills to truly be a home-maker. I think many of us look at our job as “keeping the kids out of daycare” rather than being homemakers. There is a big difference.

My job is not to be an activity director, supervision that allows us to legally keep our kids at home.  Taking on the mantle of being a home-maker is a huge, HUGE task.

Honoring our husbands and being wives that they can trust in as their capable help-meets is time consuming and humbling – for me, that means that I take seriously my ministry of creating a safe haven for him, making sure he has a nicely ironed shirt to wear to work, a delicious and healthy lunch to eat, a nutritious meal and an peaceful home to return home to. It means that I am his biggest fan, the one he can count on to listen to him, pray for him, and notice and be proud of his hard work. If that makes your skin crawl, I understand- like I said, this has been a journey God has had me on! (and I don’t always do it well!!)

Managing my home takes time and skills that I am still learning. It takes time and discipline to clean when I would rather watch Bonnie Hunt, and I have found that the “quick” way is not usually the best way! It takes time and discipline to plan our meals, carefully watch our budget, learn about nutrition and “bring our food from afar.” I use cloth diapers, bake bread, make yogurt, clip coupons, etc not because it is easy, or even because it is fun (although, sometimes it is!) – I have begun to do these things because I have found them to be the better, although harder, way.

Being a mother takes skill and discipline! It takes discipline to, well, discipline! There are so many times when it would be easier to placate them then to insist that they obey and follow through with consequences. It takes discipline to watch their eating habits and sleep schedule and make sure that they aren’t rotting their brains in front of the TV all day instead of having engaging and creative activities to enjoy. Someone has to plan those engaging and creative activities, after all!

And you know what? Our kids are watching. If we want them to learn to be diligent workers, we have to model it. We have to be life-long learners at the hearth of the wise woman, and constantly pray, “O Lord, please teach me your ways! I long for wisdom more than silver, more than great treasure!”

Isn’t it interesting that James connects perseverance with maturity and wisdom? There is no overnight fix to gain wisdom. Discipline and skill take large quantities of time invested in order to master them.

Never, NEVER think that being “busy at home” is a small or menial task. Roll up those shirt-sleeves, girls – we have a huge job to do. Let’s do it well.

Our last post on Proverbs was What Does it Mean to be Wise? I raised some issues in that post that deserve longer study, so today is the first of (at least) four posts that we will spend looking at the “characters” in the book of Proverbs – the fool, the wise, the naive or simple, and the scoffer… and any others that get dug up in my personal study!

When beginning a study like this on a particular word, I like to use an online program like biblegateway.com to look up all of the occurrences of the word, in this case in the book of Proverbs. Then I often will copy and paste them into a Word doc and color code as I study to see repeating themes – I do this in my Bible, too, with four different Bible highlighters. [Side note - I've been tossing around the idea of doing a basic "how to study the Bible" series... is there interest in this? Please let me know if that sounds helpful to you!!]

Fool

In this document, I’ve highlighted general statements about the fool in yellow, references to a fool’s speech in pink, the fool’s response to correction and instruction in green, and the fool’s anger in red. Doing this allows you to clearly see repeated themes and important ideas.

So, how does the book of Proverbs define a “fool”? Among a few other things…

• A fool hates instruction and guidance. He thinks too highly of his own perspective to seek wisdom and understanding from others.
• The fool is in rebellion against authority, both divine and human, and refuses to receive instruction.
• His mouth quickly betrays his foolish heart – he is recognizable for lying, slandering, using perverse speech, babbling constantly and refusing to hear input from those who actually have something worthwhile to say, and stirring up conflict with his words.
• He is quick-tempered and does not hold back his anger.
• The fool delights in evil and mocks at sin.

In What Does it Mean to be Wise?, we discussed whether or not there could be unrighteous people who are wise and righteous people who are fools.

Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary states, “Several Hebrew words are rendered “fool, ” with nuances ranging all the way from the naive but teachable person (Prov 14:15…) to the hopelessly incorrigible person who deserves no corrective efforts since such will be in vain.” From looking at the usages of “fool” in Proverbs, it does not seem that “the fool” in Proverbs could refer to a believer in Jesus Christ – however, a believer could be naive in thinking and foolish in behavior.

I admit that as I was reading through this compilation of verses there were names and faces flashing through my head – from real life, from literature, from sitcoms and reality TV… it is probably easy for you, also, to conjure up a mental image of a fool! But then, as I summarized these things down into bullet points, it began to be uncomfortably convicting. I am not a “fool” in my character, because I have submitted myself to the Lordship of Christ, recognize and fear His authority, etc. However – how often do I find myself being foolish in my behavior!

Do I think too highly of my own perspective to seek out those who are wise and learn from them? Do I sometimes refuse to submit to human authority because of my own pride and vanity? Do I give vent to my anger? Are my words too numerous, too empty, too self-promoting?

That last point about words is particularly convicting to a person who spends a huge chunk of time each week teaching and blogging and writing about mundane details of life. While I feel called to teach and love to write, am I vainly promoting myself and my ideas, or am I glorifying God and humbly sharing wisdom that has been imparted to me?

As parents, we need to seriously ponder the meaning of foolishness, as well. Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Children are born as little fools. They are incredibly self-centered, self-promoting, resistant to authority, quick to lie, easily angered (with no restraint), and are inherently bent toward evil. While our secular society would balk at the portrait I just painted of “angelic and innocent” little children, both logically and Biblically we know this to be absolutely true!

My job as a parent is more than just raising my children to be socially functional adults. And guess what? It’s even more than raising them to be righteous – they could be righteous and still be naive and foolish! I pray that they will be righteous, absolutely, but that they will also be wise… And as a good friend, who is one of those rare people who humbly and intentionally seeks out those who are wiser than herself, recently said on Facebook – we need to teach ourselves what we want to teach our children!

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
Fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 1:7