June 22nd, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

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Yesterday we looked at God’s amazing covenant with Abram – a reminder that though His timetable was not what Abram expected, He was completely in control of it all.

And then, we turn to Genesis 16.

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar; so she said to Abram, “The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Genesis 16:1-2

Oh, dear.

I’ve heard people be pretty hard on Abram and Sarai. I’ve been pretty hard on them myself at times. But how many times have I found myself running ahead of God? I know He has set me on a certain course, so I recklessly charge ahead rather than waiting for His direction and timing. My timing seems more… reasonable.

Sarai felt that she had waited long enough. She must have misunderstood God’s plan – He said Abram would have a son… perhaps she was the weak link.

Sarai’s plan, which Abram willingly endorsed, was an attempt to help God – to fill in an apparent oversight on His part. The outcome was not what she had hoped.

Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the LORD judge between you and me.”

“Your servant is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her…”

Genesis 16:2-6

Sarai’s “helping” caused (not surprisingly!) a huge rift in her marriage, hostility between her and Hagar, and eventually ongoing hostility between Ishmael and Isaac, the son God had promised to them who would be born years later.

God is a covenant-making, covenant-keeping God. When God calls a husband or a wife to a great work, He calls them both. They are one, bound by the covenant of marriage. For those of you who are married, your marriage matters to God. While there certainly can be times when one spouse’s desire to follow and obey God wholeheartedly may cause stress on a relationship with a resistant husband or wife, God does not call us to disregard, fracture, or violate the covenant of marriage.

I am a dreamer, a big-picture excitable thinker who is idealistic and passionate and tends to figure things out as I go. God has blessed me with a husband who is careful, deliberate, realistic, and hesitant to make a quick decision. When God lays something on our hearts, I’m ready to GO and do it NOW. NP rarely is. Does that mean he is a spiritual handicap to me, a hurdle that I should leap over in a single bound? God has taught me time and time again over the years to slow down, allow NP to lead me, submit to his leadership, hold my excitable tongue, and pray that God will give us a unified heart and mind in His timing to show us exactly what He has for us to do. Learning to pray and wait has been a lesson in trusting God’s timing all of its own – and I can only imagine the heartache and poor decisions God has spared me from under the protective umbrella of my husband’s leadership.

Are you running ahead of God? Are you running ahead of your spouse?

Friends, God doesn’t need you to “help.” Do you feel unclear, uncertain, not sure of how the timing will unfold? Pray for clarity. Trust His sovereignty. Wait patiently – and know that God will never call you to violate Scriptural principles in order to accomplish His will.

If you’ve missed anything in the One Summer, One Story series, you can find all the posts indexed here!
This post is linked up to Women Living Well Wedensdays.

May 10th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

I’m also posting over at Scripture Dig today, looking at two of my favorite Biblical moms: Lois and Eunice. Hope you join us there!

Wives can be scary.

We see our men at their lowest points. We see them weep in grief when many may never have seen them shed a tear. We know what makes them angry, we know what breaks their hearts. We know the insecurities they have dealt with since they were little boys. We know the sin they battle on a daily basis, what can make them cringe in shame.

Marriage uncovers us not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, as well. It is very hard, nay, impossible, to protect ourselves behind walls and build intimacy at the same time.

How easy it is for us to kick our men when they are down.

If there was ever a prime example of a wife attacking her husband when he was already in deep emotional, physical, and spiritual pain, it’s the wife of Job.

So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes. Then his wife said to him…

Job 2:7-9

Job. The man had, in the blink of an eye, lost every one of his children, his wealth, and even his standing in the community. He was a righteous man, but even his closest friends assumed he was living in sin because of the affliction that had come upon him. He literally sat in the ashes and scraped his open sores with a piece of broken pottery, seeking even the slightest bit of relief.

He was the definition of a broken man.

So, here comes Mrs. Job.. Perhaps he saw her coming and longed for a word of comfort, for companionship from his wife in this time of deep loss and suffering and confusion. I wonder if he hoped she would build him up and affirm that she knew he had done nothing wrong. She nears him and opens her mouth and speaks the anticipated words of blessing…

“…Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.”

Job 2:9b

Wait… what?? Like balm to a wounded soul, isn’t it?

Using wise words in marriage can be hard. No doubt, Job’s wife was in shock over losing her children, trying to figure out what was going on, and she may have assumed (as his friends did) that it was all Job’s fault. When our men are hurting, we are hurting, too. When they are grieving, we are usually grieving at the same time. When they are mourning over their sin, we are often struggling with anger and a sometimes even a sense of betrayal.

Our words have great power when our men face these times of vulnerability. Will we speak truth, encouragement, love, affirmation, reassurance of our commitment to them – or will we kick them when they are already down? My husband is also my brother in Christ – am I seeking his ultimate good, or am I going to use the sharp dagger of my words to wound him in revenge for how I may have been hurt?

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:11-12, ESV

Lord, please open our eyes to see our men as you see them. They are far from perfect, yes, and so are we. Reveal to us the sin and self-righteousness lurking in our hearts that bubbles out of our mouths when we are hurt and vulnerable. Show us where we have wounded them, give us courage to confess and seek forgiveness from them, heal our marriages from the damage we have inflicted with our tongues.

This post is linked up to Women Living Well Wednesdays! Want to follow this series and make sure you don’t miss a post? You can follow along easily by subscribing to this blog by email or in an RSS reader! All the posts in this series will be indexed here for future reference, as well.

July 3rd, 2010 by Kristi Stephens

After taking a look at Deborah and whether or not her role argues for men and women being interchangeable in ministry, we’re back to the story. Deborah tells Barak that because he won’t go without her, the honor of killing Sisera will be given to a woman. Enter Jael and her deadly nails.

Jael went out to meet Sisera and said to him, “Come, my Lord , come right in. Don’t be afraid.” So he entered her tent, and she put a covering over him.

“I’m thirsty,” he said. “Please give me some water.” She opened a skin of milk, gave him a drink, and covered him up.

“Stand in the doorway of the tent,” he told her. “If someone comes by and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say ‘No.’ ”

But Jael, Heber’s wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died. (4:18-21)

Lovely. Now let’s think about this…

Sisera is exhausted and thirsty. She meets him and comforts him, offering him a place to rest. He asks for water, but she gives him milk and covers him up.

What is she doing? She’s using her feminine capacity for nurturing and giving life, but she’s doing it in order to kill him. And this is no quick easy murder!

Notice that she doesn’t just kill him – she drives the tent peg (not some little roofing nail. A TENT PEG.) all the way through his head into the ground.

Now, if you flip to chapter five, you’ll find a little song that Deborah and Barak sang about this battle. I’m sure you’ll want to sing it to your children at bedtime tonight.

“Most blessed of women be Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, most blessed of tent-dwelling women.
He asked for water, and she gave him milk; in a bowl fit for nobles she brought him curdled milk.
Her hand reached for the tent peg, her right hand for the workman’s hammer.
She struck Sisera, she crushed his head, she shattered and pierced his temple.
At her feet he sank, he fell; there he lay. At her feet he sank, he fell; where he sank, there he fell-dead.
Through the window peered Sisera’s mother; behind the lattice she cried out,
‘Why is his chariot so long in coming? Why is the clatter of his chariots delayed?’
The wisest of her ladies answer her; indeed, she keeps saying to herself,
‘Are they not finding and dividing the spoils: a girl or two for each man,
colorful garments as plunder for Sisera, colorful garments embroidered,
highly embroidered garments for my neck— all this as plunder?’” (5:24-30)

Obviously, this is a glorification of Jael’s violent victory over Sisera. There is another more coarse element to this song, as well. Toward the end of that passage quoted, they begin to mock Sisera’s mother. She’s looking through the window, wondering where her son is. They say that the wisest of her ladies (note the sarcasm there) assures her that they’re just out enjoying the plunder – “boys will be boys.”

Dr. Miller, my OT survey professor from Cedarville, pointed out when teaching this text that the Hebrew text is so coarse that it is not literally translated here in English – the text actually uses body parts to describe the “girl or two for every man.” In other words, ”You think your son is raping and pillaging our women? Guess what – he’ in a woman’s tent, all right… nailed to the ground.” This is not a pretty look at Israel’s culture.

Now, remember our questions to consider as we go through Judges:

*Progress from one story to the next, or what changes take place
We’ve moved from the gross story of Ehud to something much worse. This is a glorification of brutality. And it’s not men inflicting it. It’s the women.

*How does each story make you feel? This book is supposed to evoke an affective response.
It’s not a good take away feeling on my end, that’s for sure!

*How does the treatment of women and the roles they take in each story relate to the main theme?
Deborah is put in a difficult position and pushed to fill a male role. Jael uses her feminine abilities to nurture and give life in order to savagely take life. Bad guy or not, it wasn’t a pretty picture.

I won’t go in depth with personal application on this (again, we’ll fill in the blanks more as we get the picture of Judges put together more), but I do want to point out the applications in the story of Jael.

Women were designed by God with a powerful capacity and ability to give life. Biologically, socially, emotionally… we were intended to be nurturers and caretakers. The more coarse and ungodly a culture becomes, the more women turn into destroyers.

Obviously abortion in my view is a literal murder of our children. In a more subtle and insidious way, we become destroyers as we use our life-giving abilities to control and destroy others. In the study “Five Aspects of Woman,” Barbara Mouser comments on two disturbing accounts: the first is the famous story where two prostitutes come before Solomon disputing whose baby is alive and whose is dead, and Solomon determines the mother by ordering that the live baby be cut in two and divided between the women. While the false mother concedes to this plan, the actual mother steps in and says that she will allow the other woman to have the baby rather than see her child killed. In 2 Kings 6:28 there’s a more shocking story of two women who were fighting over whose children they were going to eat during a famine. She remarks:

“The point is, as people apostatize, their women become increasingly brutalized and brutal. Both of these lawsuits are shocking, but at least in the first case the women are suing to keep the baby. In the second case, the woman is suing toeat the baby. As any people turn away from God, there is a loss of the goodness of human nature; women are treated more and more harshly, and they become more and more harsh. We should note that these women are starving to death; they are in dire straits. We also have heard of women in history who starve themselves to feed their children, not eat their children to feed themselves.” (5A, 156).

A cursory glance at our culture will tell you where we are with this. Women becoming increasingly brutalized and brutal? Turn on the news. We have wandered far from the Leader, and it is taking its toll.

July 2nd, 2010 by Kristi Stephens

What happens when the men God calls won’t lead?  This question is one of the most frequently raised when I’ve been in groups of women discussing female versus male roles in leadership.  The story of Deborah is often used as an example of a female leader interchangeable with men… rightly so?  Let’s take a closer look.

The first three verses of chapter 4 show that our pattern is repeating again:

Step One: After Ehud died, the Israelites once again did evil in the eyes of the LORD.

Step Two: So the LORD sold them into the hands of Jabin, a king of Canaan, who reigned in Hazor. The commander of his army was Sisera, who lived in Harosheth Haggoyim. Because he had nine hundred iron chariots and had cruelly oppressed the Israelites for twenty years,

Step Three: they cried to the LORD for help.

So, then step four will follow: God will raise a judge to deliver them.

The first interesting thing is that the judge at this time is Deborah. Importantly, Deborah is referred to as a judge, but she calls Barak and tells him that God has called him to deliver the people from the oppression of Sisera.

Deborah is not the same type of judge as the other main characters in this book – she is described as a prophetess, and although the same word for “judge” is used for her as many of the other judges, she was not in a warfare/deliverer role. God has called a man to fill the role of deliverer.

However, when Barak is told that God wants to use him as the deliverer of Israel, he refuses to do it alone!

She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, “The LORD, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead the way to Mount Tabor. I will lure Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands.’” Barak said to her, “If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go.” (4:6-8)

Why does he want Deborah to come with him?  Notice that Deborah is just the mouthpiece – she is simply delivering a message to Barak from the Lord.  It is GOD who promised to lure Sisera, it is GOD who promised to deliver him into Barak’s hands.  But Barak is seeing with human eyes – he directs his request for “back-up” to Deborah, not to God.   The wording here reminds me of something we heard Moses say back in Exodus, but in very different circumstances – he, too, was begging for Someone to go with him.

Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight. Consider too, that this nation is Your people.” Then he said to Him, “If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here...” Then Moses said, “I pray You, show me Your glory!” (Exodus 33:15-18, NASB)

Through a long process of being taught and refined by the Lord, Moses had been transformed in God’s presence. He understood that if all else failed, he just wanted to be in the presence of God!  If Barak really understood what it meant that “The LORD, the God of Israel, commands you,” there is no way he’d be depending on Deborah.

I firmly believe that God made male and female with very different roles. Some have asked if Deborah was acting as judge and prophetess because a male was not close enough to God to fill that role. I’ll leave that for you to chew on as I have no clear answer on that from the text! However, it IS clear that Deborah wasn’t meant to be in battle gear leading the army – that was Barak’s job. His lack of courage and commitment apart from his female counterpart is evidence of a lack of faith in God, not an argument in favor of a feminist interpretation of Scripture.

Deborah continues to function in this account as a cheerleader of sorts, urging Barak to believe God and obey.  She tells Barak that she will accompany him, but that the honor will not be his.

So, do I believe that women can lead?  Yes, I believe we CAN.  I don’t think it’s best.  I think there are situations in which God uses women to influence His people in the right direction – and if they are godly women they try very hard to hand the reins over to male leadership.  When those men refuse, God can choose to use women to carry out His plan… but I believe this story is an illustration of the fact that this is not a good situation – it will have negative ramifications for individuals and for the group as a whole.

Because Barak refused to believe God and obey in faith, a woman was forced into battle, and another woman ended up being the one to kill Sisera.  And as we’ll discuss tomorrow, it’s never a good sign for society when women are nailing people to the ground with tent pegs!