January 9th, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

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Let me confess something to you – I’ve watched almost every season of The Bachelor. I hear your groans of disappointment – or perhaps, quiet celebration that you are not alone in your secret Bachelor-obsession.

It all started because NP worked on Monday evenings. And then when he didn’t, watching crazy reality TV with a mental health professional is pretty interesting – so he joined me in the weekly ritual of wondering how that many grown adults can simultaneously lose all sense of sanity and boundaries. It’s like driving by a really terrible accident when you just simply cannot avert your eyes.

A few months ago I admitted my Bachelor habit to my Bible study. And then I felt completely justified in the hours I have spent with our pal Chris Harrison because it turned into a memorable illustration. At least, it was a memorable illustration for me. :)

My hypothesis is this: every season, the producers of reality drama stack their shows with a few people who legitimately are already teetering on the edge of their own reality, just to spice things up. The rest of the typically sane and balanced people get sucked into unbelievable amounts of drama and warped views of reality simply because they are isolated from all outside influence. No interactions with family or friends, no work to do, no media, no time and space and quiet to allow their minds to think sane thoughts. They are surrounded by people who are equally isolated from their normally balancing influences of meaningful work and relationships, put into completely unrealistic situations, and they all begin to convince themselves that they should fall in love with the same man everyone else is falling in love with – because if you don’t, you’re actually a failure and a fake in the world of The Bachelor.

The one “truism” (perhaps better named a “falsism?”) that is clung to, time and time again in every season, is this: “follow your heart.” The thing is, that doesn’t work out so well. Ever. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9

Welcome to crazy town.

My light-bulb moment with The Bachelor was this – what if we are more like those women sauntering into The Bachelor mansion than we realize? What if we can become so consumed with our daily reality – be it laundry, social media, toddler tantrums, household annoyances, stressful relationships, work demands, etc. – that we lose all sight of the larger Reality? We become so consumed with the mundane and temporal that we are unreasonable, irrational, overly dramatic, and dangerously close to making terrible life-altering decisions? We are surrounded by others who are equally enraptured with the shallow-now, who are constantly telling us what and who should be the recipient of our deep affection – and we are capable of losing touch with Reality all together.

I cannot simply follow my heart. My heart is deceitful and beyond cure. If I do what I am naturally inclined to do, or what feels right, or what appeals to me most, I will end up in a world of hurt. It will be me crying in crazy town. Maybe not on The Bachelor – but I’ve seen a lot of crying-in-crazy-town facebook status updates and tweets over the years. We all teeter on the edge of reality.

There really is only one solution – one way that we can jog our minds and hearts and souls back to what really matters. As we daily open up God’s Word, we discover the larger Reality. I find that while God is present in my daily life and invested in how I deal with my screaming preschooler or mountain of laundry, it matters only because of the bigger story He is telling in my life, in His church, in the world, and all across the pages of human history. His Word is the anchor that keeps me from drifting out into the dangerous ocean of my own selfish pride, my own fallen intuition, my own inclination to “follow my heart.” He is the only antidote for my natural inclination toward drama and memorable meltdowns.

Have you had your Reality check today?

July 9th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

Today I’m sharing an email exchange I had earlier this week with a reader. Knowing that this is probably a question that more of you may have, I asked for her permission to share our conversation {although I kept out her name and some personal details for her privacy}. Have a question you’d like me to answer? Feel free to email me – and perhaps “from the mailbag” will become a regular occurrence! :)

Hello Kristi:

Thank you so much for this blog. I find it really helpful and very encouraging…
I have newly been saved. This path is very new for me, in the past 1  1/2years.  It started by listening to a Christen radio station, and found HIM. In my childhood I was raised in a VERY casual Roman Catholic household. Which is what we raise our kids in. As a new mom and catholic, I need some advice. I do not know what to do next. I am saved and now what do I do. Go to church and now what?  Can you give me some guidance…
Thank you and God bless
C

Hi, C!

What a blessing to read your story of God’s work in your life – He is so faithful to pursue us!

Once we have trusted in Christ Jesus we have been “justified” – made righteous in God’s sight. We don’t obey Him in order to earn His favor or pay for our salvation – only the blood of Jesus can do that, and the debt has been paid on the cross. But throughout our lives God will sanctify us – His will for us is that we would grow in Him (Colossians 2:6-7), to continue on a lifelong process of spiritual growth and becoming more and more like Jesus Christ in how we think and live (Romans 8:29) – that we would know His Word and obey Him out of love for Him (John 14:21).

Which brings me to your question – what to do next? The simple answer: get to know Him through His Word, and obey what it says! Everything we “do” is really with that goal in mind- to get to know God, learn His Word, obey Him.

So, yes, go to church! Find a Bible-teaching church where you can form deep relationships with other believers in Jesus. In the context of a church family, you can be taught the Scriptures, worship God corporately with your church family, be discipled by another woman who can help you figure out what faith looks like in your daily life, and have encouragement and accountability as you seek to follow Jesus in all aspects of your life. Being in the church is more than attending on a Sunday morning – it means being part of the church family, serving, learning, growing, and having relationships where we can be asked hard questions and challenged to grow. We don’t go to church to earn God’s favor or because we are already “good people,” but to get to know God better, learn His Word, and learn to obey Him.

There are some “spiritual disciplines” that are essential in a Christian’s life. Just like the right soil conditions help my plants to grow and flourish, spiritual disciplines help to create an environment in our lives where we are available and receptive to getting to know God, learning His Word, seeking to obey Him. Having daily time of your own in God’s Word is essential. Hopefully this One Summer, One Story series will help you have a basic grasp on the larger “story” of what is happening in the Bible. If you’ve never read through the Bible yourself, you might want to find a reading plan to help navigate your way through the Scripture in a consistent manner. My friend Kathy Howard has some great free reading plans and other tools that may be valuable to you on her website. If you’re up for a challenge, Amy from Moms Toolbox leads online groups through the entire Bible in 90 Days – the next challenge is beginning next week!

As you are reading, it is important to take time to meditate on, or ponder deeply and reflect on, the truths that you find there. We don’t want to leave the words on the page and just fill our minds up with knowledge – because again, our goal is not just to do the “right thing” and read the Bible because it seems like something we should do – we want to get to know God, know His Word and allow it to change us from the inside out. So, when something stands out to you as you read, keep it in the forefront of your mind throughout your day and ponder what it means, what it is telling you about who God is, what it would mean to live your life in accordance with that portion of God’s Word. Many people find the SOAP method of daily study and reflection to be helpful – you can find out more about that here.

There are many more things I could add here, but I hope this gives you a good idea of where to get started on your journey of growth. One other thing I’d like to mention – since you said you were raised Catholic I’m sure you were baptized as an infant. Have you been baptized after you placed your faith in Jesus? Believer’s baptism is a public declaration of your new life in Him – I wrote more about what it means here.

I hope that helps you, C!

Because of Him,
Kristi

• For further reference: Scripture Dig series on salvation, the local church, prayer.
• Bible study resources: Kathy Howard’s God’s Truth Revealed, Michael Duncan’s Starting Out

May 27th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

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All this week we’ve been considering some questions to ponder before we post/ tweet/ update/ share/ publish -

• We asked ourselves WHO our words are about – who are we bringing glory to?
• We took an honest look at WHAT our words really are – we need to stop fooling ourselves, and see sin for what it really is.
• We paused to ask HOW we should say what we say, and thought about what it means to submit ourselves (and our personalities) to one another out of reverence for Christ in this fast-paced digital age.
• On Wednesday, Julie Sanders shared her favorite post from KristiStephens.com over at Scripture Dig. That post was all about something I call Emotional Modesty – having proper boundaries and appropriate degrees of intimacy with people in our lives, especially online. I would say that Emotional Modesty is considering WHERE we share our words.

Now today – WHY? Why are we driven to communicate? If we had a Biblical purpose statement for our words, a theology of speech… what would it be?

Our words matter. Words communicate something. To the Christian, communication is a high calling.

We serve a God who created Adam and Eve and didn’t just leave them to do their thing and be happy without Him – He walked with them in the garden and talked with them! (Genesis 3:8-10) Even when His creatures turned their backs on Him, He was constantly communicating – building relationships (Genesis 5:22, 6:9), creating covenants (Genesis 12:1-3), revealing Himself (Exodus 3:14), giving laws (Exodus 20), sending prophets (Isaiah 6:8), inspiring the written Scriptures (2 Peter 1:20-21). Eventually God the Son wrapped Himself in flesh and He Himself was called The Word (John 1:1)- the ultimate communication (Hebrews 1:1-3), for to know the Son was to know the Father (John 14:6-10).

We were made in the image of a God who communicates. And He has sent us to communicate. We were commissioned and sent with a message – a message not about us, our daily mundane activities, our likes and dislikes, what we had for lunch – we have been sent with a message about our great God who created us, loves us, offers to save us, invites us; a message about what is truth in a world full of lies, a message of hope in a world falling apart under sin and the curse and hurtling toward certain judgment (Matthew 28:18-20).

Our words matter.

Living in our digital world makes our words cheap and easy. It takes next to no effort to send out our words to dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of people. Right now there are over 1800 people following me on twitter. What if I thought about that number as actual people? A huge auditorium filled with 1800 people – would I stand up, boldly approach the microphone, and announce that I’m having scrambled eggs for lunch?

God has given you a platform. He has given me a platform. Your “reach” might be bigger or smaller than mine, but our purpose should be one and the same if we know the Lord Jesus Christ. Am I using my words with purpose? Am I logging on each day not just seeking to make myself known, but to make Him known? Do I really believe deep down that God has purposed for me to be born in this time, in this place, be given an education, taught how to read, how to communicate my thoughts in the written word, and have access to thousands of people each and every day by pushing one button on my laptop… do I believe that all of this is so that I can tell the world about what happened on American Idol and what I’m making for lunch?

Now, I do want to say: we are not one dimensional people. My days are consumed with my husband and my children and homemaking and ministry. There is nothing wrong with talking about these things online. BUT – if we solemnly consider the eternal purpose for our lives, the fact that we are sent as ambassadors for a God who has communicated to us and sent us to communicate Him to our world… wouldn’t that change the majority of what we say?

WHO are you talking about today? WHAT are your words, if you really boil it down? HOW should you say it? WHERE should you share it? …and ultimately, WHY are you here and communicating, anyway?

Someday I will give an account. You will give an account. O Lord, may you find us faithful.

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.

Matthew 12:36

May 24th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

Yesterday, we began focusing on the power of our speech in social media, beginning a series of 5 questions to ponder before we hit “send,” “share,” “tweet,” or “publish.” Yesterday’s question: WHO is this really about?

Today’s question: WHAT are my words?

You see, I am a master at deceiving myself. I’m betting you are, too. We are so good at rationalizing inside our own heads, protecting ourselves from guilt and shame with thick walls of denial and blame, recasting our sin in flowery words that makes it seem much more acceptable to us.

We need to stop fooling ourselves.

So today, WHAT will I post/ tweet/ update/ share? So many of our online words are sin, plain and simple. Just a few frequent areas of sinful speech that are found everywhere online, even from very outspoken Christians:

Boasting:

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.

Proverbs 27:2

{Are we praising ourselves, or are we pointing others to God?}

Gossip:

A perverse man stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends.

Proverbs 16:28

As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire,
so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.

Proverbs 26:21

{Are we stirring up quarrels with our words? Are we purposely saying things to provoke, to cause division, to create strife and argument? Are those around us closer friends because of us, or are we causing rifts and sparking quarrels?}

Disrespect of authorities:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.

Romans 13:1

Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

1 Peter 3:17

{You might vehemently disagree with our governing authorities. You might have good reason to – Biblical reason to. But there is a difference between respectfully voicing a dissenting opinion and slandering, attacking, and refusing to show respect for those in positions of authority over us.}

Complaining:

“Do everything {ev.er.y.thing!}

without complaining or arguing, {even when it has rained for 35 days straight, your hair is frizzy, and your car had a flat tire!}

so that you may become blameless and pure, {apparently, not complaining is part of our sanctification!}

children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation,{we should be different from our culture!}

in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life— {not complaining actually makes us stand out for Christ!}

in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.”

Philippians 2:14-16

Today, as you open that facebook page or twitter – pause.

• Who are your words consistently about, who are they bringing praise to?
• What are your words, really? Take away the flowery self-deception and creative labeling. Take away the excuses that float to the surface about who has wronged you or how others have provoked you – are you sinning with your speech?

We need to do more than bite our tongues or close the laptop. We need to repent, friends. The small sparks of our words {whether spoken or typed!} can cause lasting damage. Eternal damage.

Lord, we are a people of unclean lips. Reveal to us our sin – teach us to repent. Redeem our words and fill our mouths with praise.

O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 51:15-17