May 26th, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

This week Focus on the Family, the Cry of the Orphan, and Show Hope are calling for a prayer vigil for children in the foster care system and we have been focusing attention on this issue throughout the week. I pray you have been as blessed by reading the testimonies here this week as much as I have! Today I am thrilled to have the story of a remarkable family shared here on the blog – Gretchen and Randy have poured their lives into ministry for many years, and now God has been writing a whole new chapter to their story!

Growing up in a wonderful Christian family in Ohio I learned at a very young age to accept the things God had for me to do and do it with joy. There have been times in my life when those things have been very difficult and others that have been a sweet joy.

The thing I wanted the most in my life was to be a mother. I have always loved children and I could not imagine not having children in my life. When I felt a strong call to go into a specific ministry that would lessen my opportunity to marry, I found it to be very difficult to answer because of my desire to have children. God once again had everything in His hands and under His control. He knew the plans He had for me were plans I could never have found on my own.

After attending college and then entering The Salvation Army School for Officer Training where I would learn to work with underprivileged people and those who have needs I thought I could never understand completely. At the end of my two years of study in Suffern, New York I was returned to Ohio where I would begin my ministry. Within 5 months, my mother went to be with the Lord after an 11 years battle with cancer. I was 22 years old and struggled to understand how I would ever live without a family of my own. Again, God’s plan was just beginning to unfold for me and I had to learn to leave it completely in His hands.

The following year I was transferred to a small town where I met a young man who would be the most important person in my life. God gifted me with my wonderful husband, Randy. Together we would minister in The Salvation Army for 25 years together. After living in Pennsylvania for 21 years, raising 5 wonderful boys, and enjoying our ministry, God sent us back to Canton to work in the downtown area and primarily minister to the homeless population. When we first arrived in Canton I met a young woman who was pregnant. I asked her the normal question, “When is your baby due?” Her answer to me was rather odd when she answered, “In August, do you want him?” Rather taken aback, I assumed she was asking for help and I said to her, “Sure, anytime, I love babies”. As I look back now I see how God had used my own family to prepare me for what was ahead. Many times in my young life I would come home to find strangers in our home. People who my mother or dad had met who needed help and they would invite them to stay with us until they could get on their feet.

Never once did it enter my mind that this young woman would seriously ask us to take her child. I had never entertained a thought about adopting a child. God had though. It was a modern day story of a baby in a basket being left on the steps of a church. Here his is…please take care of him.

We had to go into the foster care system and become foster parents. Finger printing, paper work, paper work, and more paper work and 40 hours of classes on parenting foster children and learning the heartbreak and joy of foster parenting. The number of children in the foster system in this county alone is unbelievable.

Donovan’s mother soon became pregnant again and we were asked to take her new baby when she was born and we really didn’t feel we could. We were both working long hours and it was a little difficult with 2 high school boys and one baby, let alone two. But again, God’s plan for us was quite different than we had expected. 8 months later we arrived at the hospital to bring our precious Victoria home. A girl…where would I begin? As usual, at the beginning. We began again to make the necessary changes in our home and our lives to bring home another bundle of joy just 1 year to the day that we had brought Donnie home. The joy they have brought into our lives can never be explained.

I keep an open relationship with their birth mother. She calls on holidays and when she is having difficulties. She rarely asks how the children are except on their birthdays and since the adoptions have be finalized she has only seen them once. We pray for her and one day we pray she understands the love that Christ has for her. I would love to tell the children one day that their mother knows the Lord.

My heart trembles when I think of where these children would be had God not only chose us to take them and love them and care for them but had He not placed in our hearts the desire to do His will for our lives and ultimately for the lives of Donovan and Victoria…aka. Donnie and Torrie. They are definitely simply our youngest two children. Not just loved by Randy and I but by their 5 older brothers, three sisters-in-law, two nephews and two nieces.

Join us down on our knees for the 400,000 children in the foster care system? Download the official prayer guide here.

May 25th, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

This week Focus on the Family, the Cry of the Orphan, and Show Hope are calling for a prayer vigil for children in the foster care system and we have been focusing attention on this issue throughout the week. I pray you have been as blessed by reading the testimonies here this week as much as I have!

Today I asked my friend Tara to share with us a different kind of story relating to praying for children in the child welfare system, because she lived this in a different way. After growing up in a very broken and abusive environment, God has brought beauty from ashes in her life – I’m excited for her as she finished her degree in social work just a few weeks ago and is continuing on into graduate school! I so appreciate her sharing her perspective on how we can minister to and pray for foster children.

I was never really in the foster system, but I grew up in a dysfunctional and very abusive home. I was continuously surrounded by drugs and alcohol. I started using drugs and alcohol when I was in third grade. I was in the social welfare system for about a year and a half and by the time I was 17 I was removed from my mother and became a ward of the court. I was placed in my grandparent’s custody.

Growing up in a home like this made it hard for me to know how to maintain healthy relationships and make good choices. I believe that had it not been for the Godly examples of people I had in my life I would have never gotten out of the bad lifestyle I was in. Because God placed so many people in my life who showed me love and His mercy and His grace when I would mess up, I believe that it helped me understand what love really meant.

The first thing that I would advise someone who is taking in or working with foster kids is to be open to being used by God. Next, pray and ask God to use you to make an impact and/or difference in the life of a foster child or children. For people who are not able to foster, pray how God can use you to impact them. So many times kids grow up without family privilege. Family privilege is defined, in short, as the benefits (mostly invisible) that come from membership in a stable family.  So many kids in the foster system have never learned to operate within the safety of structure and boundaries.

Another thing I feel is important is relating to kids on a personal level. If you are able to personally relate to their situation let them know and this can help you find common ground with them. But you also have to be sure that you have your own personal boundaries and comfort level. Also, help expose kids to healthy environments as well as healthy and positive people. This is important because many kids who are in the system do not realize that there is another way of life besides the life they are currently living or have lived.

Pray for children who need a foster home. Pray for children to have a Godly influence in their lives. Pray for healing for children who are in the foster system. The majority of the time their is a lot of brokenness in the lives of foster children. Whether its from being placed in one foster home or ten foster homes. The first broken heart is when they are separated from their families. Even when this happens when they are babies, it hurts later and they feel abandoned.

Pray for the spirit of forgiveness for the foster child, that they would be able to forgive their parent or those who have hurt them. Don’t give up on kids, more than likely they have already had several adults give up on them. Remember time is precious! Do what you can while they are in your care. Don’t make promises you cannot keep! Keep in mind that if they are in your foster home or if you work with them in some capacity, you can help make a difference in their lives.

Help guide and teach them the skills they need for survival and communication. Teach them life lessons and skills that they can use if they have to go to a different foster home or if they are going to enter the “real world.” I can’t help but think about the people who taught me about time management, anger management, money management, and communication skills and boundaries and how much it has helped me as a adult, especially in the working world.

Involve kids in church. A good friend of mine had abusive foster parents, but they took him to church. He realized by hearing the Word that there was something bigger and stronger then the abuser. He realized that help comes from the Lord. I was introduced to church by a friend but had I never gone to church I may have never come to know the Lord. I would have never realized that what Christ did for me and how much He loved me,also how He was so much more powerful then the abuse I was enduring.

Another piece of advice that I would offer is allow time (lots of time) to notice change in kids’ personalities and actions. Sometimes kids act out because they don’t how else of get attention. Or they may be afraid that no one will want them, especially if their parents did not want them. Or they may be tested you to see how long you will stick with them.

Keep in mind whether your a foster parent, work with kids who are in the foster system, or maybe you know someone who has foster kids; whichever category you fall into, you have the power and opportunity to influence the life of a foster child. It could be small things like a smile,helping them with a project, spending time with them, or building rapport with them. Or it could be by simply praying for them. Remember you don’t have to personally know someone to make a difference in their life! Praying makes a big difference! Finally, be creative with kids and don’t be afraid of them. Love is so much more powerful than fear!

You can read more of Tara’s personal testimony here. Join us down on our knees for the 400,000 children in the foster care system? Download the official prayer guide here.

May 24th, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

This week Focus on the Family, the Cry of the Orphan, and Show Hope are calling for a prayer vigil for children in the foster care system, and we have spent the past three days with some very powerful testimonies here on the blog. I pray you have been blessed by them and also have been challenged to pray! Today I’m so grateful to have my very dear friend Rachel and her husband Pete sharing with us. They have a true heart for adoption and ministering to children in foster care.

I am thrilled to have them here today to share the ministry of Royal Family Kids’ Camp! Pete and Rachel are deeply involved in this ministry within their home church and community, and their enthusiasm has been contagious over the years as they have shared their experiences and heart with me! It is an exciting reminder that there are some powerful ways to invest in the lives of these children, even if God has not specifically called you to foster or adopt.

1. Tell us about how you became involved with Royal Family Kids’ Camp. Why were you drawn to this ministry? How long have you been involved/ what are your role(s) have you filled in the camp?

Pete:  In 2001, as a college student, the Lord made it clear to me that He was giving me a ministry to “outcasts”.  Moving forward to 2006, my wife and I were living in San Antonio, where our Pastor, Sean Azzaro of River City Community Church, had told us about the Royal Family Kids Camp (RFKC) ministry to foster children he had worked with in California.  From that point on, Rachel and I felt the specific call to serve.

As for individual roles, I’ve served as Assistant Director, Dean of Support Staff, Coach (Games Leader), Videographer, Counselor.  Rachel has been our camp Nurse and plans to be a counselor this summer.

Image from RFK

 2. What is a typical week of camp like? What is the focus of what you do?

The theme for camp this year is Joshua 1:9 “This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  We’re excited to share this life changing truth with 48 seven to eleven-year-old campers through chapel, drama, music, skits, puppets and daily devotional time during our five day over-night camp.   Our goal is to create positive memories in a very relational and fun environment.

Many of our campers come from a large group home in San Antonio and don’t have one-on-one interaction with someone who has the time to sit and listen to them.  We have one counselor for every two campers ratio so that everyone has a hand to hold when needed.  God has blessed us with an awesome camp facility where we get to spend time in God’s creation together and enjoy the camp’s zip line, pool, archery, and climbing wall, as well as crafts and woodworking.

One unique aspect of camp is what we call “Everybody’s Birthday Party.”  Some children within the foster care system may have never had their own birthday party so we create a huge birthday carnival with awesome rides, horses, games and presents for each camper to know that they are loved and celebrated.  Each camper receives a birthday box with an mp3 player with the songs from the camp week and they love to listen to their music!

Image from RFK

 3. How has being part of this ministry impacted you personally?

We are whole-heartedly committed to what we call “vacationing with a purpose.”  Camp is on our calendars and minds all year long and we look forward to showing God’s love to a special group of children.   I love being able to serve with my ministry partner, my spouse.   Coincidentally, the campers are always excited to find out that we’re married because married couples aren’t really the norm in their world.  It has opened our eyes to the great needs within the foster care world.

4. Will you share with us a couple of the most impacting memories from your times at camp?

Two years ago, one of my 9-year old boys was telling me about a movie he had seen.  After hearing his enthusiastic description of the movie, he asked me why I hadn’t seen it yet.  I told him that I hadn’t watched that particular movie because there was too much death and destruction for me.  He then “taught” me that death isn’t a big deal, because we just “Turn  to grass”.  I then asked him if he wanted to hear what God’s Word says about what happens to us when we die.  Teachable moments like this happen all of the time as we spend a week of quality time together.

Image from RFK

Other memories that bring goose-bumps involve:

Watching a ten year old girl swim for the VERY first time and hearing 100 people cheering her on.

Watching an 11 year old boy, who was “too cool” to do anything at camp, initially avoid the horse, but then face his fear, approach the horse, mount the horse, and spend the next 3 hours riding and helping and encouraging others to do the same.  Note: This boy’s social let us know that he was a completely changed young man with a great change in his behavior and outlook after his week of camp.

(Rachel) As one of the nurses I’m not with the campers all the time, but it thrills my heart to walk into the evening chapel time and hear all the kids enthusiastically singing God’s truth.   They love to shout out the song “You Never Let Go.”

5. How can readers find out more about RFKC and learn how they can get involved?

From their website you can see if there is already a camp in your area by clicking the “Find a Camp” tab.  Each camp director’s contact information is listed.  Directors are always seeking volunteers to pray, financially support, volunteer to serve as camp staff, or help with registration/everybody’s birthday party/welcome home dinner.    If there isn’t already a camp in your area and you’d like to start one, click the “Start a Camp” tab to find out what you need to do.

Want to find out more? You can also follow Royal Family Kids on facebook and twitter. Join us down on our knees for the 400,000 children in the foster care system? Download the official prayer guide here.

May 23rd, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

This week Focus on the Family, the Cry of the Orphan, and Show Hope are calling for a prayer vigil for children in the foster care system. I am asking you to join with me in prayer for God to move in amazing ways in the lives of those 400,000 children. Today I am honored to introduce my friend Kristin as she shares the beautiful story God is currently in the midst of writing in their home.

As we began the journey to foster, I was a bit like Peter in some of the stories that we have witnessed in the New Testament. I boldly claimed to surrender it all for Him in this calling to foster. That is, until I actually started to think about what the journey could possibly involve. This would be the cue for the small, horrible, life-sucking word:

Fear.

As I began to create in my mind images of what could happen in fostering, I began writing pieces of this journey on my own terms. I began to define what would be safe for my family and what would be considered unsafe.

I came up with an age range that I would accept. School aged was clearly unacceptable. This was simply because I could not imagine how the world of homeschooling my own five children could mix with the state requirement of placing any foster children in the public school system. On top of that issue, I heard on a regular basis that any child older than the age of three or so is very difficult to deal with.

Next, I came up with a list of abuse situations that I would be comfortable with, quickly marking off the ones that I would never be able to accept here in our home. Again, I look back at this decision and see that creepy little word hiding in the very depths of my heart:

Fear.

Fear is often what paralyzes me and keeps me in the place that I define as my comfort zone. Fear is always what confines me to my plans and keeps me from walking in the obedience of His plans.

I’m so thankful that He called me out of my fear and on to this journey of foster parenting (despite the fact that I began kicking and screaming at times).

So what’s the rest of the story that He is still in the process of writing? Three months after we completed state certification along with the paperwork that was driven by my expectations, He sent us a 7 year old girl.

She was three years older than our acceptable age range. As we scribbled down brief notes from her file, I was filled with incredible peace that can only come from Him. My husband and I were both moved by His presence to say yes to the plan that He was revealing to us. Now the question was was she here for a week, a month, forever?

Despite all of the spinning questions in my head during this crazy journey, His powerful presence in our home continues to sweep through the very depths of my heart. His peace began to erase all of my fears.

The first night that we tucked her into her bed, she whispered: “Can I stay here forever?”

Three days after that soft-spoken request, we spent late nights listening as she poured out brief recollections of the evil abuse from her past. She spoke of abuse that I was certain that I could not handle here in my home.

Here I was, sitting in His Presence, filled by His peace in order to become His vessel to a very broken little girl- a girl that spoke of unimaginable abuse.

She continues to pour out her heart to us. Just this week I had to file another report to child protective services. It is maddening, heart breaking and unfathomable. Somehow in this process that should be overwhelming (according to my terms and conditions) I am finding incredible joy in His calling.

We have recently received word that parental rights have been terminated for her case and we will begin with the adoption process. Her name, which means birth, will be changed, Lord-willing, to a name meaning new birth.

He is birthing something new and wonderful here in our home and He is doing so despite the fears in my own heart. There is still some fog ahead on the journey and certainly relief will flood over me when I hear the official words that she is mine. Until then, I know that she is ultimately His. His plan for her life will always prevail.

This has been my prayer for my little girl. This week, I have prayed it as a covering for those children waiting for His families to touch their own lives:
“He has torn us, that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and He will bind us up. Come, let us return to the Lord.” Hosea 6:1

My sweet girl, you are torn. He has chosen a great tearing of your heart as a bittersweet piece your testimony. You are struck down, but He will be faithful to bind you up. Come; let us together, return to the One who loves you and to the only One Who can heal you. I will persevere with you to the place where we can rest together and say: He has made our hearts new. Lord, help me to continually place her at the foot of Your healing.

Last, I want to briefly encourage you with this: If He is not specifically calling you to foster parenting, pray for the children who need a foster home. I have had both friends and simple acquaintances tell me that this little girl in our home has drawn them to their knees at all hours of the night. This is incredibly comforting and exactly where His battle is won. If He is calling your family to foster, be encouraged. His abiding peace in your heart will be a roadmap to one of the greatest journeys He could call us to: giving beyond our fears and resting in His arms of peace despite the great evils of this world.

Join us down on our knees for the 400,000 children in the foster care system? Download the official prayer guide here.