August 10th, 2012 by Kristi Stephens

I vividly remember my childish question. I’m sure my mother gave me a reasonable answer but I don’t remember what the answer was. The question lingered.

“Why do I have to make my bed every day when I’m just going to get back in it tonight?”

I mean, really. My brother in law had his own solution to this dilemma – since he was ‘hounded’ into making his bed every day, he simply laid his sleeping bag on top of the bed and slept in it for a couple of years. I surely hope it was washed at some point.

As a homemaker, I find this question magnified.

One day I wrote Ecclesiastes 1:1-9 in the “homemaker paraphrase” and posted it on the facebook blog page. By the responses I got it was obvious I was not alone! =)

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
Says the woman.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”
What does the woman gain from all her labor
At which she toils in the house?
Laundry gathered and laundry folded,
Yet the laundry pile remains forever.
The table is cleared and the table is set,
And the dishes are never put away.
The dust is cleaned from baseboards
And grime wiped from the ceiling fan,
It falls to the carpet and blows up in the vacuum,
Ever returning on its course.
The toys are put away,
Yet they somehow appear again.
From the floor where they were just removed,
There they return again.
What has been will be again,
What has been done will be done again;
There is nothing new under the sun.

It’s tempting to make the whole family sleep in sleeping bags and eat poptarts and mac n’ cheese for every meal. So why not? Is there any glory in this ordinary and mundane routine? If you are a fellow weary mom battling chaos in your home, here are a few ways to see His glory in your ordinary.

• As I work in my home, bringing order from disorder and creating an environment in which my family can thrive, I reflect part of God’s character as Creator. I was created as an image bearer, and entrusted with work to do. (Genesis 1:27-18)

• When I am doing other things – writing, leading, teaching – I can start to believe I am more important than I am. As I lead my children on my knees (not just in prayer, but also in scrubbing toilets!), it humbles me and puts me in my place! God does a lot of sanctifying in my heart in those irritating and repetitive tasks! (Matthew 23:11-12)

•  Work was part of our created purpose – but frustrating, futile work was part of the curse.  (Genesis 3:16-19) The fact that our “domains” rebel against us is like a mirror exposing the state of our own souls. As I wonder to myself if my laundry pile breeds when I’m not looking, it’s a reminder that my own heart is quick to wander away from Him, harboring “little things” that can grow unchecked rebellion. You can read more about the curse as “hidden grace” here.

• We all know that a home is more than where a family lives. Our home is my family’s habitat – the physical environment that nurtures and sustains their growth and development. It is the laboratory where my children learn about life, the gym where they develop physical, emotional, and spiritual ‘muscles.’ It is the launching point for our ministry as a family. The more chaos I allow into our environment, the more it affects our willingness and ability to show hospitality, be flexible with our availability, and even the way we speak and interact with one another. It’s interesting and challenging to me that the descriptions of the infamous Proverbs 31 woman revolve around her home – and it leaves a legacy that impacts her husband, children, the poor and needy, and surely many more who experience the “habitat” of home she created.

At first glance, the fact that I scrubbed a ring out of my bathtub yesterday doesn’t seem to have much lasting significance. But there is glory in the ordinary. I am reflecting the character of my God as an image-bearer. My character is being formed as I learn to submit myself to hard and humbling work. That never ending housework is revealing to me the state of my own soul. And as I scrub on hands and knees and fold laundry and do dishes and prepare meals and change sheets and decorate walls, I am creating an environment where I, my family, and those who are introduced to our “habitat” can thrive.

It feels ordinary, and small, and insignificant. But be faithful in the little things – and do everything for the glory of the One who made you. {If reading via email, click over and listen to this great reminder from Steven Curtis Chapman!}

May 20th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

This week has been all about the words we use in our parenting. And you know what?

• Motherhood is ridiculously hard – it is tremendously sanctifying.
• In moments of exasperation we can use the sword of our words and leave wounds that will seep for years.
• It pulls out our pride and insecurities, it is easier to gloss over our children’s faults than to say hard things in love.
• We are constantly teaching our children, whether intentional or not- and our job is enormous!

Moms, are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you feeling unable to do it?

You can’t do this on your own! Remember – our words start in our hearts, and God is the only one who can change us from the inside out. God is also the only one who can change our children from inside out.

That’s why I’m thrilled to tell you about a phenomenal resource available from my friend Brooke – Warrior Prayers: Praying the Word for Boys in the Areas they Need it Most.

This little ebook is a delight to read. Full of Scripture, full of truth, full of practical encouragement to overwhelmed women in the grueling trenches of motherhood. Brooke hits the nail on the head: we can’t do this! The job is too big!

In Brooke’s words:

I don’t pray because I can. I pray because I can’t.

Prayer is the coming to the end of myself, the letting go, and placing my hope in the God who can. It’s putting none of my hope in what I can do, and all of my hope in what He has already done. It’s taking comfort in a God who loved deeply enough to save me and resting in the knowledge that He can do the same for my sons. It’s choosing to believe the truth of His Word–praying for its completion in the hearts of my sons–washing it over my tired heart and keeping my eyes on the One who straightens my path. It is enough for me and enough for my sons.

Wearing a posture of prayer as lifeline, hope, desperate plea to the God Who can.

Brooke walks the reader through crucial aspects of a boy’s heart and life, giving Biblical background and personal insights into the areas where our boys are especially vulnerable and in need of God’s clear hand in their lives. She gives beautiful lists of Scripture, inviting us to insert the names of our sons and pray the powerful Word of God over their hearts and lives.

If you are a mother of boys, a grandmother of boys, a mother of girls who wants to pray seriously and intentionally for the men who will someday become your sons… this book will be a tremendous gift in your prayer life. {Download for your kindle here, or purchase in ebook form here!}

And here’s some really good news – Brooke is providing a free copy of this valuable resource to TWO KristiStephens.com readers! Interested in winning a copy for yourself or a boy-mom you know who would love some encouragement? Just leave a comment below and let us know why you are interested in a copy of this ebook, what has been encouraging to you this week in One Small Spark, anything that’s on your mind! {Reading via email? Click here to come to the blog and leave a comment below the post!}

This giveaway will close at 10pm EST on Sunday, May 22nd. Winners will be chosen from numbered comments using random.org.

May 19th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

I would love to say that my days are consumed with imparting rich wisdom to my children, quoting Scripture, discussing great doctrinal truths with my 5 year old. Lest you be fooled by the content of this blog, if I charted out the content of my words throughout the day it would probably look something like this.

I’d say I was completely unrealistic with “profound teachable moments”- it should probably be a MUCH smaller slice!

Moms, have you ever thought of yourself as a wise woman? An imparter of wisdom? A mentor? A discipler? In the midst of finding missing shoes or practicing spelling lists or negotiating with a picky eater – does your role of imparting wisdom to your children seem far from what you dreamed of when you held that first precious newborn in your arms?

The book of Proverbs has so much to say to us regarding our role as wisdom-givers:

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:8-9

The whole book of Proverbs is written as an address from a father to a son – a vast array of advice that the young and foolish are begged to heed. What if we started really weighing the words we speak to our kids, considering each day a new chance to impart wisdom and teaching?

I’m not just talking spiritual wisdom, here. A lot of wisdom is practical, make-your-life-better teaching. You’re probably already doing it and you don’t even know.

• “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too?”
• “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
• “Try it again, and this time ask me the right way.”

We are constantly teaching our kids. Teaching them to brush their teeth and pick out clothes that match. Teaching them life skills like organization and time management. Teaching them to maneuver social situations, answer the phone politely, conduct and dress themselves modestly.

Why?

As we discussed yesterday, the goal of our parenting is not to raise “successful” kids who are happy. The goal of Godly parenting is to disciple our children, to teach them to know and obey the Lord Jesus Christ and to train them to live a holy life. What if we thought about everything we impart to them through that lens?

• I want my children to be good and generous stewards of their time, money, talents, resources – knowing that all things have been entrusted to them by God, and that from those who have been given much, much will be required.
• I want my children to relate respectfully and politely to those around them, learning to submit their will to others, even when it’s hard – they are servants of the Lord and are called to walk in a manner worthy of this calling, making truth attractive by living it out with grace.
• I want my children to apply themselves academically not for degrees on the wall, letters behind their name, or zeros in their paycheck – but because they have been given an eternal mission to know, study, articulate, defend, explain, illustrate, translate the Truth of God to a culture blinded to His message.

A lofty ideal? Perhaps. But maybe, just maybe, we would speak different words if we kept the eternal goal in mind. We’re raising the next generation of Christ-followers – how do we disciple them, teach them, equip them, prepare them to impact this world… even as we teach them to brush their teeth, discuss for the millionth time when we will have a snack, or remind them to finish their homework?

Your words matter, mom. You can impart wisdom to your children all day long, even when it doesn’t seem terribly profound. In all areas of life, we must equip our kids to know and serve Jesus Christ!

Lord, put your Word in our hearts and pour Truth from our lips!

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May 18th, 2011 by Kristi Stephens

It starts the first time we hold our little baby in our arms. Our chests swell with pride, and we instantly believe that this child is the most beautiful, most gifted, most advanced, most spectacular child that has ever been born. We obsess over milestones, we swap comparisons with other parents and hope that our little beauties will obviously outshine all of their competition. Er, peers.

They say love is blind, and a parent’s love… watch out.

It’s not our little bundle’s fault that her parent’s pride and sometimes insecurities are rearing their ugly heads. Our obsessive need to be the center of attention, to be recognized and praised, blossoms as we hold this little person and we beckon everyone to take notice what a future celebrity we have brought into the world. Or perhaps it is our nagging insecurities that are bursting forth. We’ve never felt beautiful, or good enough, or appreciated – but this child, this child will be brilliant and talented and popular and have all the things we always wanted but never quite attained.

And so, we paint our children as these perfect beings in our minds. Deep down, we know their flaws, we see them on their bad days. But we certainly don’t want anyone else to see that. It might mar our family image.

When I taught high school I was always astounded by parents who would absolutely refuse to allow their children to face the consequences for their actions and who would defend the most shocking behavior with vigor. I sat in parent conferences with serious concerns about my student’s academic struggles, only to find that his parent outright denied that he found anything difficult whatsoever. Flip on the American Idol tryouts, and you know without a doubt: these people have never been told the truth; their parents have flattered them into delusions of grandeur.

I’m all for positive speaking (we’ll discuss that tomorrow!), but there is a difference between life-giving affirmations and death-dealing flattery.

A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Proverbs 26:28

Hates! Isn’t that a strong word? Proverbs 13:24 uses the same language directly aimed at us parents:

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 13:24

We all love our children deeply, fiercely. But the goal of our parenting is not to make them deliriously happy, to shield them from any pain or disappointment, to keep them from facing consequences. The goal of loving Christian parenting is this: to disciple our children, to teach them to know and obey the Lord Jesus Christ and to train them to live a holy life; it is only there that they will find true eternal joy.

King David did a lot of things right – but he had some clear issues (just as we all do.) Bathsheba is always the first thing that comes to mind when we consider his failures, but this verse stood out to me in living color the other day. In this passage, King David is nearing his death. A power struggle plays out dramatically as his son Adonijah attempts to usurp Solomon’s role as the next king of Israel.

Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. (His father had never interfered with him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)

1 Kings 1:5-6

Because David had failed to discipline Adonijah, and because Adonijah’s feelings of entitlement drove him to the audacious move of declaring himself king, it destroyed him in the end. God had chosen Solomon for the throne – his role was preserved and Adonijah ended up being killed for his further power grabs attempted later in the account.

If we love our children, we must speak truth to them. We must lovingly discipline. We must allow them to face the consequences of their choices. We must be realistic about their sin and struggles, and aim not for their happiness but for their holiness.

If we lie to and flatter our children, if we refuse to instruct and correct them, we are setting them up for pain and destruction. Using our tongues wisely as we parent must include saying hard things wrapped up in genuine love.

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